Uncertain Decisions and Needing to Have Faith!

I sit here tonight with many mixed emotions. Should I be blogging about this, should I suck it up and deal with it? Who knows....... I may type this and delete it, we shall see. It makes me feel better to write, so no pictures, no funnies just my feelings and mood tonight. Most of you don't know we have been struggling financially for quite some time. The available work in the construction field in our County is horrible. Jason has worked in construction most of his work life and has dealt with no work and layoff after layoff. He went back to work at the bar that his mom & her boyfriend own in hopes to pick up the slack in our financial problem. He wanted to be more than just an employee and continued to work, take care of things when needed w/ out being asked. Get called in the middle of the night since the alarm company have us as the respondent if his family can't be reached and put his heart and soul in to his job everyday. All of this was priority to him even during times when he wasn't getting along w/ his mom's boyfriend (step dad as we called him). I can recall getting a call at 3am one morning that the alarm was going off and they hated each other at the time, Jason got up, rushed to his house & picked him up to go take care of things. Needless to say they had one last argument that landed Jason out of a job that he valued and enjoyed. He wanted nothing more than to manage that place and help keep honest people working and get rid of the people who were stealing, lying, etc....... He was the one that got the boot. So what next.. we argued at money problems and stressed and stressed some more. I cried, his blood pressure went through the roof. We got a email from one of his good friends who just moved to NC to Manage a Bar/restaurant saying he would get him a job. But-- did I want that, did "we" want that. He would have to go to NC to work and me and the boys would stay here. Was it worth it? Neither of us are sure, but after 12 yrs of being together and some pretty hard times, I am willing to give it a try. So tonight, me and the boys said goodbye to Jason as he headed on a long 13 1/2 hour drive to North Carolina. I was of coarse a basket case, Carson started to cry as Jason was turning off our road. We hugged and i told him it was OK to cry and miss his daddy. Colby doesn't understand and just kept saying "why crying mama". We should have our daddy home in about 2 weeks for a few days and see how this is all working out. With much prayer and hope we hope this works out, financially we can re-gain our stability and eventually me and the boys will move to NC as well. It's weird how we ended up in this situation. We spoke previously about wanting to move out of Florida and were leaning more to the Northern area of SC. When the job opportunity arose I didn't know what to do. I prayed and prayed hard...that if this was meant to be it would fall in to place. Not only did this job become available , but the owner has an apartment he is letting Jason stay in for nothing at this time. i could only believe that this was meant to be and in the end we will be OK. I have probably for the first time ever turned everything over to god and plan on leaving it in his hands. I am at a very vulnerable moment in my life and know I can't control what is going on. I bust my ass 5 days a week everyday, rarely missing a day of work, come home and take care of my boys and start all over again the next day. What more can I physically and mentally do? Nothing! I have no extra time in my day, no extra stress to handle.... One day at a time, one moment in a day and one prayer at a time. I will have faith and we will make it. Jason needs to be in a job where his opinion counts and his knowledge will take him somewhere. I hope this is a new beginning that will lead us to happiness in the end. I will go for now and love on my innocent boys who don't quite understand all of this. Whelp, i guess I will leave this and not delete it. I think I would like to re-read this in a few weeks and see if i am in the same frame of mind. If you are reading, thanks for letting me vent. I value and am very thankful for the wonderful friends I have. Friends are the heart that everyone needs. GOOD NIGHT ALL......... (((Hugs)))